Etiquette, some say, has become less of a priority in our fast-paced society. Table manners are rarely taught, since most families eat on the run. We have microwaves, instant downloads of movies (no more driving to Blockbuster to pick one out), instant music choices (itunes and Pandora), and even instant ebook downloads. Educators are struggling to keep up with the technological world in which students now live. The slower pace of yesteryear (or was that just a decade ago) provided the luxury of thinking before we spoke, of eating together and actually conversing, of revising hand-written notes and letters, and learning how to build relationships through graciousness.

Currently, I am reading Sherry Turkle’s new book entitled Alone Together. Turkle writes, “Technology ties us up as it promises to free us up” (p. 32). Turkle cautions us about the future by describing a generation raised on “virtual pet toys” which often values the virtual as much, or more, than the physical. A virtual pet may require attention but real emotion is absent. Are we teaching young people the importance of thinking about others, not just themselves? Could it be that emphasis on technology applications is overtaking emphasis on human interaction?

In my National Writing Project training, a mentor compared grammar to good manners. The point of using grammar is not correctness– but clarity for the reader. Grammar shows good manners, so the reader does not have to struggle for meaning. Grammar is gracious. Is technology also changing grammar? English teachers tell me that, yes indeed, it is! Students prefer texting to email or talking. Explaining the registers of language and the importance of using good grammar and vocabulary is a huge challenge for teachers. Sometimes, it doesn’t even seem relevent. Will students need to have good penmanship in ten years and will they have the attention span to read the lengthy descriptive passages of a 19th century novel? Patience and perseverence require graciousness.

Times are changing and I am not one to stand in the way of change and hold on to antiquated modes. Language is a living, changing thing. It is inevitable that our words and our grammar change with the times. But consider this question… If we accept the changes in linguistics, the changes in information and communication modes, must we also give up good manners? Whatever technology innovations become widely adopted, can we humans remember that it is people behind them? Can we remember to care more about people than the inanimate tools we create? Can we find a way to be digitally gracious?